I ♥

I'm hell out of me. I'm not okay. I'm not happy. I'm disappointed. I'm upset.

As I've blogged yesterday, I'm effing happy to be with my friends this whole vacation. It's like escaping from being stuck at home. It's like having a real vacation. I'm too much excited.

But all at once, I'm all down. Dad will be going to Manila. (Heck those works, but I understand that's all for us, I just can't understand why does it have to be today? *sob sob*) And now he's in Manila. I can't go meet my friends alone, 'cause I think I have the farthest home built. I think I have a pair of couples which are so damn busy from their works. I'm not saying they don't have time for us, because that's gonna be cool if we're on our own. HAHA. So, what am I saying? Why am I talking about them? SO apparently, I am here. see? I wasn't able to go with my friends for our outing. It's a last minute call-it-off. I feel like crying when I called Maris to inform her that I can't go. It's priceless being with them. I miss them so much, is it that hard to understand?

I'm so random today. I even forgot that I have twitter, like I'm on TweetDeck for so long, hours from now, but I didn't even update one. Zarreh, folks. I subscribed to Alex Cabagnot's YouTube @ cabbagieTV. Subscribe too. I finally figrred it out how long it takes before a basketball star can go. Like...uh, there are lots of fans outside waiting for them to sign this and that. HAHA. I view whoever-album-was-that on Facebook. I didn't even know who they are in the picture. HAHA, I realized I have too few albums in Facebook. Oh geez, I'm so not camwhore anymore. Zarreh! I read new pbaonline articles. I'm suddenly in Flickr. Then I can't stop listening to When I Look At You. Puhleeeez, don't even like Miley...hahaha. Not that much, I mean. Suddenly, wedding pops in my head. How heavenly would mine be? Hmm..

(Now even searching wedding rites, tell me now that I'm sooo insane. No, just kill me. That'd be better)

SO, whatever.

Now, let have a talk again. Like I'm preaching once again, or less... I'm suing myself. HAHA.

First... How happy will I be if I can have a lifetime boyfriend? It's like finding your real soul mate. I know serious relationships will always start at college life. Or it's gonna be the worst heartbreak. So, as the story goes on... The guy surprises you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Lit candles surround you both. Like he's never done this before. It's the perfect moment, it's never been a dream until it happens. He kneels down before you, opens that little box and say the opening to your dream words, ''Will you marry me?" or either way, it can be... "Will you be with me forever?" Whatever statement it will be just to take you with him for eternity, that can be the cheesiest as it may sound, but at that perfect moment, there is nothing else that will make you realize what's corny or not... Because the best answer will always be 'Yes!' and if you say 'No' then go and find yourself. Because being with someone for a lifetime doesn't deserve a NO. Because that dream is in your hands.

The next thing on the list is giving it all. Like being busy with the preparations, since this will be happening just once in a lifetime, you gotta get some things that are so precious. Grand or inexpensive wedding? If so, then it's just like thanking... That you've got to give it all, your everything and make something that makes that day so special... So perfect.

Telling your parents, friends, relatives about the upcoming wedding. Giving the news formally would be nice, because that's like telling them that you're gonna live your own life at one point of time and maybe for life. And it's gonna be with one person. With whom you're bestowing your love. Of course, as expected it would be some kind of heartbreaking to both of your parents, his and yours. (why am I using 2nd person? geez, can I use me? 'kay, I'll be) It's not some other everyday news I can give to my parents. It's not something I can text to them like, 'hey Mom, I'm gonna be married soon!' No, it's not that way. Even Dad can make me grounded for the rest of my life. Marriage is not a joke. It's not that simple sacrament, right? What will happen if I tell this news to my parents? As a daughter, it wouldn't be that easy for them, especially to my Dad, right? Because it's like he used to keep me inside the house when I was in elementary and high school. He hardly accepted that I'm in college and had to live independently in Manila. I expect some drama, and and YES also from my family. Telling is to my fiancé's parents would be just the same. The only difference is that he's a boy. It would be a little easier for the parents to accept it. But I don't underestimate them, what if they can't just let go of their son, right?

There's gotta be a lot of preparations. As for me, I want it to be a middle one. Not that grand but not too simple. I want everything to be more than fine, but less than perfect. We'll have to tell a church where we want to get married the exact date. As much as possible, I really wanted to get married the same date as our anniversary. :((( Will that be possible? so whatever, we have to decide who's gonna be our presider. Which for sure is gonna be a priest. Haha. We're gonna need to divide the expenses too. As a bride, I'm gonna need to be the one in-charge of the right wedding gown and the seats of the guests like how many are coming. That's gonna go with my family side. As for the groom, then... I dunno, maybe the reception.

Picking the Bride's Maid and the Groom's Best Man/Men will be there too. I'm gonna pick of course, my sister on the number one spot and two of my closest friends. That can't be decided yet, 'cause in this life, I'm still gonna meet lots of bunches of people. But whoever will be, I hope they can be. Same has to go with my fiancé's choice.

So long will it take to prepare. As a bride-to-be, fitting and/or making or choosing of the wedding gown would be the best part. And if I can, I'd design my own. Because it's something that I've got to give my all. It's something that's so special, I want my works to be done. I want to give it a try and design my own. I'd like to do the same with my bride's maid and maid of honor. I want white "trahe de boda" (dunno the correct spelling, sorry) not a colored one. As the theme, I want it to be some sort of rainbow colors. I want it to be colorful. My groom-to-be decides on his own. Haha.

Two nights before the wedding, there's like this party were only girls are allowed (I forgot what you call this...) same has to go with my fiancé. It's something I need to spend with my close friends just to celebrate. Girl thang.

The last night before the most awaited day, I'll be staying with myself. There's a saying that you can't see the bride (as for the groom) before the wedding. I'm making it 'night' before the wedding. I'm gonna be spending some quality time with my family during the day. Eat lunch outside, go shopping with my sis and bros, go skating, go to KTV with my family and have a dinner out. And by night, I'm gonna be stuck in my bedroom... I'm gonna see that scrapbook I've made for the two of us (me and my fiancé) when we're still boyfriend-girlfriend. I'm gonna be listening to the song we've picked to be our theme song and reminisce how long we're together. Remember the times when everything felt to wrong that we almost parted. Think of those birthdays, Christmas, and New Years together. And finally, remember when I said 'yes' when he proposed.... I'm gonna look at those boxes full of photo albums I've kept the whole years we're together and how young we were before. I'm gonna cry over my family's old photo albums where I can see myself so young for so long ago. Then suddenly, I'm gonna get married the next day and leave a separate life from them. Because I'm gonna be committed more than I seemed to be committed. I'm putting myself into the danger of being a wife.

Months to wait, and the perfect day has come. The morning bliss is where the day would start. I've waited for these for so long.. We did.

Hair...make up... Wearing the wedding gown I've designed... and walking down the aisle. This is the moment I've wanted to spill my tears, but then again... I have to be happy. I have to make them all see that I smile this big 'cause I'm never gonna be alone anymore. And finally, I'm seeing my groom like I haven't seen him for so long.

Holding that flower wrapped in the most glittering papers. Hugging both of my parents so tight I could hardly breathe... My parents handing me to my groom, like they're already giving me to him right now as I've wished... His parents tapping his back and smiling broken knowing that this is the moment their son is gonna get married.

Exchanging vows is telling our love story... my vows is... on how I met him... how I fell so hard for him... how unexpected we've come to courtship... why we fight most of the times... how good it is to meet his so kind family... how he accepted mine too... how we've gone through it all... and what we used to do whenever we're together and how come we're now here.

He says his vows to me... saying what he thought of me when he had seen me... how I captured his heart even from the first day we met... how beautiful I am every day he sees me... how hard it has been for him courting me, haha... like how big is the world that we even got the chance to meet... how he got so patient in my mood swings... how he's gone through when it's raining so hard and had to apologize to me... how long it took for me to accept him back... and why he decided to propose... and what he thinks of me now. And I bet, there is no vow sweeter than this. There is no vow other than this that made me blush once again.

Lighting those candles, pinning that veil, holding that Bible...and that pair of ring. Exchanging 'I Do's' had never been so hard like this. Tears falling from our eyes, my friends and family, my parents... also wiping their eyes. The best part is that my groom... he's crying too. I tell you, I did not expect he will. I always thought that I'll always be the one who's gonna cry because of my too sensitive heart... But the last thing I found out about him, is that he cries too even in special occasions...

I'm surrendering my love. Because no flower, no ring, no gown, no lights, no food, nothing at all matters now... It's all about his love. It's the greatest thing that matters to me now. Because we're in front of the altar, standing beside each other... and none matters than surrendering our love. Because the moment I said 'I Do', I don't belong to myself anymore. I am his. And no one can take me away from him now.

After one year or more, we got our heaven-sent angel. Our first born. And for that, may God be praised. :)