I ♥

I SRSLY HATE THIS WEEK AND ERASE IT IN MY PAST, NO MEMORIES AT ALL WILL BE LEFT. I TRULY HATE THIS WEEK. I'M ALL SCREWED UP.

First: I was cried all the hell out of me Sunday afternoon due to some stupid reasons. I even tweeted how MAD I was that time. My madness made my cry infront of the computer looking for some stupid assignments I can't understand what because I don't have any idea what was that. I just don't even understand more why my bros, sis and mom won't even bother to friggin' help me! I'M STUCKED TILL PAST 3 IN THE AFTERNOON, THEN WE LEFT BY 5 IN THE AFTERNOON THAT DAY TO MANILA. More dumbest thing I did? I LEFT MY PHONE AT HOME. No one killed me that day. Why oh, why?????

Second: I was listed by the prefect due to cutting line. I'm no mood to 'defend' myself due to some 'personal' reasons, my monthly visitor wouldn't be happy to tell her name. So I was sayin'... I did not even say 'why, sir?' or, 'sir, warning first!' or just say, 'yes'. I was kinda snob to the prefect, you know the feeling of, 'hey, nobody talk to me today! please, unless you want me to forget I even know you' the moment you wake up, I was in that kind of mood. There are no special cases, no special people, nothing greater than my monthly visitor. I RESPECT HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE I RESPECT. If I even move, it feels like she's gonna be throwing down on me. I dun like being too stupid, oright? So, that was gross to be talkin' about her, man. SO, yes. My first time to be listed, my first time as in! I WASN'T IN THE ROD (Report on Discipline) in my three-year-stay in my school. Not even once, only my absences, that's when you can see my name written there. I'm a conduct awardee for the past two years, now I dun think I'll still be. Even if it's jut a minor offense, being listed isn't even existing in my life. Now it suddenly passed by! I hope you find your way to the RIGHT person to be listed. I'm no good at accepting facts.

Third: The next day of being stupid, I found out WHY we were listed by the prefect, it's because SOME ANGEL told him so. NOTE: THE ANGEL TOLD THE PREFECT OUR SPECIFIC AND EXACT NAMES. Wow, what an angel flew by... I'm not pointing it as ironic, I'm telling that you're an angel to some, but not to me and to my friends. I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU WHY =( Know what? You give me that feeling of shakin' my knees whenever I enter the canteen, when something happens once, it happens for the 2nd time and if the third does too, it's a habit now. WTOE is cutting line... Now you made me not to eat anymore. It'll take weeks before I move on. And eat. Well, that's at school.

Fourth: I'M SORRY I'M ONE OF THE STUPID STUDENTS OF YOURS, or you can consider me alone. Though I know I haven't done something wrong, or well at least to my POV, as a member of this class. I am united with them. And sorry, but we all screwed up. Sorry, I hope everything's gonna be fine. We're sorry....

Fifth: For some reasons, I found myself uninspired. Well, I AM. But I'm getting nothing from my inspiration, not that HE needed to give me. I am just not that happy about it. :| I'm straight-faced because I am alone on the road, too disappointing he'll never come for he's taking another road. It s*cks to be waiting on the same spot, and wanting to feel still the same feeling he's given you all the way. He did not leave me on the road, he just didn't even come with me. SO what's the point? WELL, I GUESS I HAVE TO ADMIT I'M IN LOVE AND UNLOVED. But no, I ain't inlove. Not for more than two years. I DON'T FIND ANY REASON WHY, WHY I STILL NEED TO BE HERE AT THE SAME SPOT...WHY I SHOULD STILL BE STANDING HERE ALONE BY MYSELF. I'M FINDING HIM, BUT WHERE THE HELL IS HE? COULD HE JUST BE A MILE AWAY? BECAUSE I CAN RUN THAT FAR, BUT IF I CAN'T, I STILL WILL.

ONE WEEK, FIVE AND A HUNDRED MISTAKES.

I'm no good. But know I am no bad... :) I just can't understand why things seem to be that or this way... Not questioning Him, but I reckon myself is the one who's too curious of everything.

But I DON'T CARE. I simply forget all these negativities in me, and in the world... Because I still believe in the saying that I've learned on my third grade, "EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD OR BAD IS A BLESSING FROM GOD" so I always feel so blessed despite that I know... I'm all broken, or I'm all that screwed up. Because I am that BIG NOTHING in this world, without Him. I just believe.

First, I cried because I got no more time studying. Note that I slept by 3 in the morning just to finish my studying in the quiz I've left unstudied the whole afternoon and night... But that's all worth it. I was able to study at my service, at the school... I passed the quiz and got 4 mistakes. That's not bad at all. And it was easy. Everyone said so too. I was guided. Thankful.

Second, I was listed by the prefect. I did not mind to argue (for I have no right) but I learned. But I experienced. But I saw what's really right and what I'll get from doing something so wrong. My bad, I know. Thankful.

Third, someone I called angel told us to the prefect, that's why we were listed. It helped my grow old, man. It helped me realize that someone's gotta be there and notice me, that I not invisible at all that only my friends can see me. No, even at the most stupid thing I do, at least someone did know I exist. Thankful.

Fourth, WE LEARNED. WE REALIZED. WE OPENED OUR EYES. WE GOT OUR SIDE. WE NEEDED TO BE TOLD SO. NOW EVERYTHING'S FINE. FOR GOD MADE ME LIVE FOR ANOTHER DAY, I'M ABLE TO WITNESS THAT SHE'S FORGIVEN US. So blessed, so I'm thankful.

Fifth, I'm not inspired by my earthly inspiration. I'm upset and disappointed, I feel like being broken. But NO. BECAUSE I'M NOT. I'M STILL ALIVE, AND IT WON'T EVEN SCRATCH MY HEART DEEPLY FOR GOD HAS GIVEN HIM TO ME, TO BE ABLE TO KNOW HIM. And I guess that's pretty much enough. Then waiting would be worth it, and live for what's today. I am thankful.

BY ALL OF THOSE WRONGS, there's something I want to share that made all of me this week and forever.

It's personal, it belongs to the extent of our classroom, and classmates. BUT I'm really, really happy I wanna tell you.

THE BEST GAWARASAL IN MY ENTIRE LIFE JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE MY GROUP AS THE FACILITATORS. THE GAWARASAL HAPPENED TO BE THE FIRST AS OUR JUNIOR YEAR. And I just can't believe it end up that way you can never imagine what happened and why.

We planned the GAWARASAL to be as simple as it is, but in our own way.... And then, everything was unexpected to be that way due to our own expectations...

I can't say this straight, but talking in front of the people and making them CRY isn't even what I've wished... I've just asked Him for guidance as I'll talk and share as part of our GAWARASAL (Lesson Recap which was asked to be shorter than before we do the recap). We, our group, prayed before we started facilitating... we formed a small circle, I led the prayer... Twas short. Super... I just know that somehow, we really need to.

GOD WAS WITH US THE WHOLE CLE PERIOD. He was just there, guiding me as I talk infront of them.. As I talk with my voice shaking. But He took my fears and worries that time, He just gave me peace of mind and the strength to fight and TALK and try to inspire my classmates. I THINK I JUST DID WITH MY PARTNER, SUPERF. We know, it was Him who made us do and say those things. We spoke continuously like I didn't even think I'll be saying those words and statements.

Everything went well receiving 'thank yous' from our classmates, it's just the best and sweetest THANK YOU to hear.

BUT NO, I don't deserve those.. He does.

For this, I'm more than thankful, I AM GRATEFUL! WE LIVE FOR YOU, OUR ONE GOD!