I ♥

A DEEPER MEANING OF LOVE

LOVE is blind, love is a mystery. Love hurts, love breaks your heart. Love is in the air, inhale. Love is...

Waking up by one in the morning, sighing... Is it possible that he's still up? What could he be doing? His eyes are really amazing... Two in the morning... I can't sleep. What can actually happen when I go to school later? It's crazy how I like his smile... Three in the morning... How does he look like when he sleeps? I want to see him. Four in the morning... Is there any chance that he could be dreaming of me? I've always been dreaming for him. Five in the morning... I have to get up, take a bath, fix myself, and get ready for school. I have to look perfect... well, just in case we'll cross paths.

Six in the morning, putting that powder on my face, that lip gloss to make my lips shiny... Combing my hair in it's perfect wave. Grabbing my bag and getting in the school service. Still thinking, how can I even show him I like him? Is it even possible?

Bad vibes, don't look at me today. Good vibes, I'm letting you in. I haven't studied for quizzes today, I was busy staring at my laptop yesterday... hoping for a chat box from you. I'm even putting your username on ydetector just to see if you're just invisible. I was busy writing your name on all the pages of all my books. I was busy putting your last name on my name, I was busy framing it. I was busy hiding them all from my parents. I was busy singing my heart out telling how much I like you, how you make me crazier.

Is it obsession? No.

When I entered the school, I hurried to the place where I and my classmates meet every morning. I accidentally said his name referring to other person, I was just like--"I mean from the other section..." because I'm hideous from what I feel. Because he was just beside me that time. Because I'm scared he'll misunderstand. Because I'm not sure if he'll even hear me.

I secretly peek at him on the line. I just want a glimpse of him, I'm not expecting he'll look at me too. I just want to know if he's doing fine. I just want to be there for him whenever he needs someone. I just want him to know that I'll understand him whatever's happening in his life. I just want to show him that I can be the one for him.

I act normal when he talks to me, but when I turn around... I have that huge grin on my face, and my heart won't ever stop beating for him. I don't know what to say anymore, keep on staring at him, I don't know why I'm here waiting for him... when I shouldn't be expecting that he'll even come.

I want to give him what he needs, but I can't because I'm scared he'll misunderstand, and so as the class. I'm scared on what others would say and think, I'm scared... because I know he loves other girl, he loves my close friend... and the hurt won't ever disappear. FOR EVERYONE KNOWS WHO'S THE ONE HE LOVES, AND NO ONE KNOWS I LOVE HIM.

Love is in the air, inhale... exhale.

But I don't want to let go.

I want to keep fighting, there may still be a little chance for me to prove him that I can be the one... even if it's just a point-one percent? I'll take it....that I can do anything for him... but I can't let him go.

I can give everything to him, but I cannot give him up.

If anyone can heal my broken heart, if anyone can mend it, if anyone can fix it, it's only him. With what I'm going through, I can break down. But I'm trying to be strong, I have to fight for what I feel even if nobody knows about it. But all I am doing is to push him even closer to HER. All I can do is to cheer him up when he's down because of HER. All I can do is tell him 'it's gonna be okay' when he's sad because of HER. All I can do is... is to help him to get closer to HER. All I can do is give his own happiness, what he deserves, what he wants... because when I loved him... I stopped belonging to myself.

I'm a fool for him.

This love I have inside... it's bleeding my heart. But I can't stop loving you, because you're not stopping what you're doing to me. You always look at me, you always show your concern to me, you always smile at me, you always... you always make my heart fall for you. How can I possibly stop loving you when all you do is let my heart jump off my chest?

I pursue loving you. As long as I can still take the pain, I will never give it all up. As long as it doesn't rip off my heart, I will be there for you. As long as you don't shatter it, I will never leave.

I give you my heart, and it's up to you if you'll break it, or rip it, or shatter it.

Love...

It's when you're hoping he'll look back until he's already a mile away. That in every negativity, there's always that positive side--I always take the positive...

Love...

Trying your best to feel fine and smile okay, and say you're perfectly happy for him when he shares his 'kilig' moments with her. Acting like it's okay when he says how much he loves HER. Pretending to be fine whenever he mentions her name. Smile at your best whenever you remember... she's a close friend to you. And just keep everything else inside, just ease the pain by yourself, take the pain... It will soon fade.

Love...

Keep on fighting? Until when?

Trying to start the day right, trying to end it right.

Walking... Crossing his path... Holding her the way yo wanted him to hold you. She's a friend, you wanted to help. Friendship over love. It's friendship. You can see how his eyes are full of tears when she was hurt a little physically, you see how he cares for her even if it's just a little scratch on her arm. You see how he loves her.

Soon she's fine, they walked together. And you're starting to realize that everything's not always gonna be about you.

The time you've spent thinking and caring about him doesn't matter at all. The things you've at least done to make him happy. The pains you've overcame just to please him. The smiles you faked just to hide you're hurt. The advices you gave to him just to support his happiness. The promise you left for yourself never to let anything go between your love, because nothing's worth giving up when you love. But nothing's worth loving when you're not loved. He's not worth-having. All that's here for you is a broken heart. You took the risk of loving him, so take the reality. It's not you whom he loves.

He's gone because he belongs to someone else, so you give him his freedom. You let him go. And fight to move on.

You go home with a broken heart. You sleep with a broken heart.

Define unloved.

It's when you experience exactly the same written above.

Define the deeper meaning of love.

It's when you experience what's written above, except that you'll give up and let him go.

Define love.

Love depends on how you think of it.

:')

I love you, but I never had you. I love you, and thank you for letting me to. I love you.

Friendship over Love. I guess that's what I'm all saying. Freakin' awesome, I'm broken, for the fact that I didn't know I'm inlove.

Gosh. Kill me now.

I don't know but... it has pierced my heart. Of all the hell, I cried. :'( Do you exactly know why it hurts?

IT HURTS TOO MUCH BECAUSE HE MADE ME HAPPY. AND FOR A SINGLE THING HE DOES FOR 'HER', IT KILLS ME... FOR EVERY SINGLE THING HE DO TO ME, HE LIFTS U MY SPIRIT, AND PUTS THAT SMILE ON MY FACE. BUT WHENEVER I REMEMBER THE FACT THAT IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, THAT PUTS AN END IN THE STORY. IT HURTS TOO MUCH. I GUESS IT'S ENOUGH.

:| One more damn thing, I blogged about him most of the time, right? Because I treasure every moment with him, every moment he makes me happy. A lot even happened this week before everything ends. And as I'm saying, this has gotta be the last to be blogging about him. It's over, for real. There's nothing anymore, it should be. Nothing on US ends, it's only about me. I svck too much at this. Damn it.

Ang hirap maging masaya kung yung nangyari lang ang bumabalik sa isipan ko. Sino bang hindi gustong maging masaya? AKO, ang tagal-tagal ko nang pinapangarap 'yon e. :(

You know what hurts even more?

Because he was the one who mended my broken heart last year. It was him who fixed it. It was him who brought back what I've lost--love.

I gave up on the one I've recently put my attention on--he's full of colors, that's what I can say. But then he came into my life, I already know him before, this time, it feels like he sinked into me. He showed me that truly, there are many fishes in the sea. I'm a fish myself, and he caught me. Though he didn't like me at all. Being alone fighting svcks more than you know. Know that now.

He healed my broken heart, but now he's the one who's breaking it. x| It hurts so bad now that I've got so many dreams... all have gone down is just a split of second.

Because I've always put in my head that it may be not the 'time' for us, but it 'can be'. Not now, but there's so many time to be. For that I can keep on waiting 'til the waters run dry. I did my part, to show him my concerns and all that he should know, but nothing's changed. Still, that's me, it's him. We're nothing like hell. I guess, the waters already ran dry.

Things will change now. Because what's now? It's just a reflection of yesterday to make it better.

When 'that' happened before my eyes, I wanted to close my eyes immediately and keep on dreaming like it's just a dream. But it pounds my chest harder, it's the reality I have to wake up and keep my eyes open for. Forget what you don't want to see, because it's damn happening. My eyes were blurry, but I managed to get my focus on what we should do. But I am WORRIED, yes I do. It's a matter of friendship. And there's no way I can help it. So, I've shown enough concern, because I'm always gonna be. But I ended up friggin' stupidly trying to pull my tears back later on... But it's impossible to avoid tears that time, so thank you, SF. You've been and always there for me, half of me, you're the reason to get going.

Kahit mahirap, masarap. Kahit masarap, mahirap. Pero... mahirap na lang, e... Hindi na masarap. :( Naging masarap, pero naging SOBRANG HIRAP na.

Avoid him. That's the least SF adviced me to do. Little by little, I will. Find others, too many to choose upon. No need to worry, God has a better plan for me.

"On this day, God wants you to know that it's time you let go..." -that's what I got from the daily message from God in FB. I guess, in no reason at all, I believe it. How can it be so right always? I'm just gonna lift it all up to Him, it's His plan. I don't have to argue anymore.

I'm getting there.

I can sing ALL OR NOTHING to you one time. :)

I can open my eyes in a still motion, there's no looking back. What I have here is a little faith for me, and a lot to Him.

NO MORE DRAMAS. THANK YOU SHE REPUB, ALL THE TIME, YOU'RE THE BEST! SPECIALLY MENTIONING SF AND ATE GANDAAAAA. :> You both are the best too!