Well, this is a blog for my LETTERS TO KYU, things I wanted to say to him, things that are happening in my life as if we knew each other personally like every Gamer would dream about ^^. So please don't misunderstand whenever I'm writing things as if I really know him in real life. I just love him. XD
Basketball Thang!
"I've watched them win and lose, skipped in and hammered, grinning and sighing, and most of all, smirking and looking up to God. In every single move, I know inside them that there us only one that makes things happen, God. See how they work? They work with faith--kissing their fore finger, making the sign of the cross and tapping their chest. In these kinds of games, have you ever thought that they can remember God?
I have learned that maybe God has really his own plans. I mean, see how the ball goes-in and out. Almost in but went out. It's like every move of the player towards the ball to the ring matters. Each muscle that moved from the player and the tap to the ball counts for every result. I have proved that even the little-most inch in the air means a lot to whatever happens."
You can't say if you'll lose or win, but you always look up in you life. Because once, God fulfilled your prayers.
I live my life with God. And I ought to love it. :)
Mediabox
"Whenever I see you, I swallow my pride and bite my tongue. I pretend I'm okay with it all, act like there's nothing wrong... " - CRY
I'm Your Greatest Fan You just don't know it. Sad.
Retrieve my past here. Read my life. Escape from your life, live mine. ☺
Still a Student I LOVE KPOP I love Yesung but... I'm in love with Kyuhyun ANYTHING Cookies n Cream Cinema: Watch Super Show 3 3D YFC is my life Loves SHOES--HEELS Watch PBA live! I love Jared Dillinger.*blushes* But I love SMB better. I also go for Joseph The Ninja Yeo I've never been to other countries *sigh* Paris, France, Italy, anywhere in Europe! PBut let me go to Korea first. XD Pressing repeat when I love the song.
A week had just passed, I seem to have undergone so much obstacles in a week full of adventures. It might have been good if all things happened the way I wanted it to happen, the way I needed it. I just don't get it somehow why do these things happen? It feels so bad, it makes me so sad.
I just got disappointed to all that's happening around me. My world is such a mess for a week, so I hope yours isn't half as much as mine, it's too hard to be me, :(
WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME LIKE I SEE YOU? CAN'T YOU FEEL ME LIKE I FEEL YOU? Obviously, you really can't. So please, let me go even with an empty heart. If only I can move on in a snap of fingers, if only I can turn back time. If only I can forget you, if only I have my guts to let go of my own happiness. If only I can be okay, if only I can act better than anyone else, if only I can continue pretending and wait for this to fade away... If Only. :(
Tell me, what thing in this life can make me stop loving someone?
IF ONLY YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL, YOU'LL NEVER ACT AS IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU'LL NEVER ACT THE WAY YOU DID TO ME TODAY. Know what? It hurts so much. And if you don't want to be mine, please don't hurt this heart of mine. It may be impossible, but you make things possible for me. Please.
:(
♥ life sent to Kyu 9:22 PM
Friday, August 20, 2010
WHY NOT ME: "What is it that keeps me hanging on to every word you say? What is it that keeps me holding on to you? Because you're stuck in my head like my favorite song. You put the scene on pause. It still plays on. It's chapter 3. It's hard to breathe. The words are slowly fading. Stop and go in lunch on a busy street. Bumper to bumper this empty seat. Without you here, I get no where. I ask, "Why not me? "
I already moved on. So let's stop talking about you. I'm never gonna blog about you again (even if I still can't stop thinking of you). I'm just gonna keep it all by myself and slowly let it all go. But I wanna tell you this one, if only my heart could speak... it will probably be shouting how much I've felt and how I'm over you now.
BEFORE: you're the one I choose. Whatever you ask, I'll do. 'Cause I care so much about you. You're always on my mind. I need you to be by my side. I want you to be mine oh mine For all time.
NOW and Forever: I replay it over and over again, you were my boy now we ain't even friends. You could've been my all or nothing, all or nothing. Now to me you're nothing. boy you're nothing. Now you're nothing.
So.
A lot of things happened. As always. And I never thought it will be like this.
First, I actually forgot to tell y'all that we won first place in the Band Marching competition for the Juniors. OMG. It was awesome... that feeling you get when you least expected to win and then you heard your section being announced as the First Place... it's just plainly awesome. If only you know how much we prayed and tell Him we're not there to win, we're there to enjoy. That's all we know 'til the end. Expecting nothing and receiving more than everything you've asked for. That's just one of the bests in this world. Thank You, Lord God... for letting us experience such activity. We slowly realize that it is always gonna be about You. That whatever we ask for, You give us more than that. You just wait for the perfect time for those things. Getting the first place is enough out of eight sections... But then, you have us the Best In Uniform/Costume award. That's even enough. But still, you gave us the Best Drum Major award--the first girl to win the award. And for that, may God be praised.
Second, I was chosen to be one of the dancers to compete in the Buwan ng Wika celebration (annually celebrated). Out of almost 300 sutdents in our level, I was included. I feel grateful. SO much. Although we only won the 2nd place for this, it's still a blessing, it's real good. We've worked hard for this, the forty of us... Know what I experienced? Hardships. Awkward moments more than you'll ever know. I was paired with the person I least expected to be paired to be, I was actually wishing it's not him. But when my name was called, our teacher called him in a 'wrong' name. HAHA. Whatever. It was actually so difficult for me to talk or even look at someone who was linked to you almost two years ago. Now that he has a 'new' girl, how can I possibly get near him when after 'us', we never even gazed at each other AGAIN. It was awkward. i didn't like it. I wasn't comfortable. But heck all these are just part of it. The best part is performing there on the gymnasium... smiling... smiling and projecting even if your heels are stuck and tripping on your costume. Because all I can ever think that time is, 'this is the last that we'll be dancing this dance. I can just give it all and exit knowing I've done my part. I don't care who's my partner, I don't care about our so called 'past'. I don't care because this can actually be my last to be doing this. Give it my best. God has the rest.' :') Even if winning the sense of it all, it doesn't matter now (but I know we disappointed the teacher who worked hard, truly, for this) as long as I know how to treasure those 'moments'--awkward, dehydrating, bruises, sweats, everything that explains EXHAUSTED. I'm still thanking Him. Only Him.
Third, we'll be competing in the Bible Quiz Bee tomorrow at Makati. See... There are more than a thousand students in our school, and of nine students to be competing, I was chosen to be included. What more can I ask for?
Forth, SYC. I never thought I can actually join the creative competitions. Photography. :') >
"Many are called, but few are chosen"
I'm grateful. End of story. :')
I'm too sleepy. I can't think of anything... but to finish chapter 19 of WBM2B and sleep.
:)
♥ life sent to Kyu 5:30 PM
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I'm in love. No, I'm getting over it. Wait... Can I just tell you these things before I let you go?
Last night, i watched Dear John with my best friend. I can't write you a hundred letters, but I can make you one with my whole heart, with my whole soul... And I can actually love you more than John had loved Savannah. And I can actually do more than what love can do. But I'm sorry, like Savannah, I'm tired of it, and maybe someone needs me more out there more than you never need me.
Dear Jay Pio (not his real name),
How have you been? It's been so long since you've stayed in my heart. Too bad I'm gonna set you free now. Too bad you never let me in yours. Too bad I can't take it any longer. Too bad I want you to be happy. Too bad you're taking a piece of me with you. Too bad, but let's put a smile on our faces, there's always that bright, shining star above. And you should know by now, I'm one of them watching over you. Always and forever.
To start with... I want to send you my deepest gratitude for all that you've made me. Because who I am now? I'm who I wasn't before. Yes, cheesy as it may sound, but you've changed a lot in me. My personality, it's not who I was. It's just a mystery of becoming a better person because of you. Thank you for letting me feel the way I felt... for putting that smiling face on me... for giving me what I needed the most. Thank you, for letting me love you.
The first day we met, you were just that simple odd-looking student. Crossing paths meant nothing to me, like I don't really know you. Like you're just that typical kind of boy who will pass by me every time I pass by him. Soon, we became closer. I was too timid, no... I was just fake, and too lazy to put attention to what I feel. I ignored what I feel. But you were important to me. So much I never thought I'll be prioritizing your happiness more than mine. The day I realized all these, the day I gave in, the day I admitted it is the same day I gave up on Rainbow. Because I know then... that there's someone better than him. Someone who might just put that smile on me after my heart being broken. Someone who can actually appreciate me. Someone who can actually see me as I am. Someone I've known from the start loves someone else, but I took the risk and fell for him. AND then, that was you.
Say it's weird, say it's impossible, say it's crazy but I'm trying. I'm trying to be the one for you. Remember those days... You texted me, it meant a lot to me. A single SMS can actually complete my day. My heart never beat normally those days.... Because you let itskip a beat, you let it beat fast. That, whenever you're just there, I thought you'd know I'm just here. Yes, so near yet so far. Because someone's love is not measured by distance. Rather, it's measured by nothing. Never should it be measured, maybe that's why I'm already drowning. No, maybe that's why I'm out of it. Too much love I give. How could you be so heartless?
Remember when you texted me about the basketball game? You know I'm the only girl who can understand you about that. But what? I was too scared for the night to end, for the conversation to end. Look what I did, I opened 'her' as our topic. Because I know your eyes are always in her, so as your heart. You told me how hard it is for you, I told you how great you are and how fast time will be for you to be able to do it. And be hers. And be happy. I told the best advices I can ever tell anyone, I told you the things I wish you would do to me. I told you to never give up, I told you to be strong. Now I'm needing those words.
The next morning, you said you've never met someone like me before. Like how kind I am, and how you liked what I said last night. You thanked me. And I've fallen even more in love with you. Of all the heartaches, the worse is knowing you're nothing special. Because you texted all the girls I know, you texted me, because I was just one of them. Know what? You didn't need to flatter me by your words, because my heart's weak and know breaking down on you. I thought I can be the only one even just that moment, but I wasn't. I was too in love I can't think of anything else. I'm a fool to be always caring for you. I'm a fool to send you the sweetest personal messages when you weren't able to come with us because you're sick. I'm a fool to be the first and last to greet you on your birthday. I'm a fool to stay in love with you even if you never really see me more than a friend.
Of all the things I've wanted in my life, I needed you.
I tried to be strong, I pretended to be strong, I faked to be strong. I was hurting so much, but LOVE doesn't need anything to stop. I love you, and I can't bring myself down anymore. The pain's too much, pursuing alone's too much. What's the point of giving up?
I understand it the day when you caught her when she fell... when she was sick. The moment you were the first person there for her. The moment I realized I have to choose friendship more than love. Those moments are just one. Because that moment that happened before my eyes, seeing you together with my naked eyes... is the moment I understand what's the good and bad and worse on giving up. Good for me to open up my eyes. Bad, because it hurts. Worse because she's my friend. Worse because I love you but I have to let you go now even if there's no tie bonding us together. Worse is that... I haven't done enough, now I can't show you what I can do all for you... I can't show you anymore how my heart needs you, and how once, you were so important to me.
Sorry, I'm not good enough for you. Sorry, I can't show you the things you needed to see. Sorry if I can't be like her. Sorry, I'm just not so perfect and you don't deserve someone like me. Sorry, but I tried, it wasn't just enough. Sorry, for who I am is not someone you like. Sorry, I can't be like her... sorry, I just can't.
Sorry if I never touched you heart. Just forget it. I know the truth lies within, but I know this is true. I am nothing to you.
Sorry I can't tell you before. Because I was scared as hell. I'm scared you wouldn't know me if I tell you. I'm scared of what'll you say. I'm scared you'll walk away. I'm scared of rejection. Because even without words? I know you've already rejected me. I want you to be happy, I don't want to go between you and your love. Again, I want you to be happy. So I'm sorry if I can't tell you earlier than this, because I don't want to let you go those times... But I've had enough. Now I'm telling you all. Don't say a word, I don't want any rejection. Or anything else from you.
But sorry, I can't be sorry for who I am. Maybe someday I'll find someone who'll appreciate me somehow. Sorry, if that can't be YOU anymore. Blame it on me, but I can't love you anymore.
I once wished to be her, to be someone you like, to be someone with you, to be someone you love more than anything else, more than anyone else. But I have to wake up now and be where I should be. I need to get a life, stop fantasizing someone like you. What's impossible stays impossible when even if God doesn't want us to be. If it's not meant to be, that's the end of story. So we're not. So I have to put an end in love. Stop being crazy, stop being hurt. Make life easier. Stop loving you. Be happy. I have too. So whatever that's going on in your life, I should stop caring. Maybe you can grow up a little, and know what I've felt and realize how someone like you lose someone like me. Right, that's a joke. because that's impossible. Again, what's impossible stays impossible when even God doesn't want it. So here it goes. My final goodbye.
Goodbye, my love.
Goodbye, my memories.
Goodbye, my sweet-nothings.
Goodbye, my love.
Goodbye, my memories.
Goodbye, for the rest of our lives.
Goodbye, and I love you. Goodbye.
BE HAPPY. That's all you need now. That's what the both of us need now. That's the least we can do now. Be happy.
But above all these, I thank God for letting me know you.
Friday, August 27, 2010
9:22 PM