I ♥

Dear Jay Pio (not his real name),

How have you been? It's been so long since you've stayed in my heart. Too bad I'm gonna set you free now. Too bad you never let me in yours. Too bad I can't take it any longer. Too bad I want you to be happy. Too bad you're taking a piece of me with you. Too bad, but let's put a smile on our faces, there's always that bright, shining star above. And you should know by now, I'm one of them watching over you. Always and forever.

To start with... I want to send you my deepest gratitude for all that you've made me. Because who I am now? I'm who I wasn't before. Yes, cheesy as it may sound, but you've changed a lot in me. My personality, it's not who I was. It's just a mystery of becoming a better person because of you. Thank you for letting me feel the way I felt... for putting that smiling face on me... for giving me what I needed the most. Thank you, for letting me love you.

The first day we met, you were just that simple odd-looking student. Crossing paths meant nothing to me, like I don't really know you. Like you're just that typical kind of boy who will pass by me every time I pass by him. Soon, we became closer. I was too timid, no... I was just fake, and too lazy to put attention to what I feel. I ignored what I feel. But you were important to me. So much I never thought I'll be prioritizing your happiness more than mine. The day I realized all these, the day I gave in, the day I admitted it is the same day I gave up on Rainbow. Because I know then... that there's someone better than him. Someone who might just put that smile on me after my heart being broken. Someone who can actually appreciate me. Someone who can actually see me as I am. Someone I've known from the start loves someone else, but I took the risk and fell for him. AND then, that was you.

Say it's weird, say it's impossible, say it's crazy but I'm trying. I'm trying to be the one for you. Remember those days... You texted me, it meant a lot to me. A single SMS can actually complete my day. My heart never beat normally those days.... Because you let itskip a beat, you let it beat fast. That, whenever you're just there, I thought you'd know I'm just here. Yes, so near yet so far. Because someone's love is not measured by distance. Rather, it's measured by nothing. Never should it be measured, maybe that's why I'm already drowning. No, maybe that's why I'm out of it. Too much love I give. How could you be so heartless?

Remember when you texted me about the basketball game? You know I'm the only girl who can understand you about that. But what? I was too scared for the night to end, for the conversation to end. Look what I did, I opened 'her' as our topic. Because I know your eyes are always in her, so as your heart. You told me how hard it is for you, I told you how great you are and how fast time will be for you to be able to do it. And be hers. And be happy. I told the best advices I can ever tell anyone, I told you the things I wish you would do to me. I told you to never give up, I told you to be strong. Now I'm needing those words.

The next morning, you said you've never met someone like me before. Like how kind I am, and how you liked what I said last night. You thanked me. And I've fallen even more in love with you. Of all the heartaches, the worse is knowing you're nothing special. Because you texted all the girls I know, you texted me, because I was just one of them. Know what? You didn't need to flatter me by your words, because my heart's weak and know breaking down on you. I thought I can be the only one even just that moment, but I wasn't. I was too in love I can't think of anything else. I'm a fool to be always caring for you. I'm a fool to send you the sweetest personal messages when you weren't able to come with us because you're sick. I'm a fool to be the first and last to greet you on your birthday. I'm a fool to stay in love with you even if you never really see me more than a friend.

Of all the things I've wanted in my life, I needed you.

I tried to be strong, I pretended to be strong, I faked to be strong. I was hurting so much, but LOVE doesn't need anything to stop. I love you, and I can't bring myself down anymore. The pain's too much, pursuing alone's too much. What's the point of giving up?

I understand it the day when you caught her when she fell... when she was sick. The moment you were the first person there for her. The moment I realized I have to choose friendship more than love. Those moments are just one. Because that moment that happened before my eyes, seeing you together with my naked eyes... is the moment I understand what's the good and bad and worse on giving up. Good for me to open up my eyes. Bad, because it hurts. Worse because she's my friend. Worse because I love you but I have to let you go now even if there's no tie bonding us together. Worse is that... I haven't done enough, now I can't show you what I can do all for you... I can't show you anymore how my heart needs you, and how once, you were so important to me.

Sorry, I'm not good enough for you. Sorry, I can't show you the things you needed to see. Sorry if I can't be like her. Sorry, I'm just not so perfect and you don't deserve someone like me. Sorry, but I tried, it wasn't just enough. Sorry, for who I am is not someone you like. Sorry, I can't be like her... sorry, I just can't.

Sorry if I never touched you heart. Just forget it. I know the truth lies within, but I know this is true. I am nothing to you.

Sorry I can't tell you before. Because I was scared as hell. I'm scared you wouldn't know me if I tell you. I'm scared of what'll you say. I'm scared you'll walk away. I'm scared of rejection. Because even without words? I know you've already rejected me. I want you to be happy, I don't want to go between you and your love. Again, I want you to be happy. So I'm sorry if I can't tell you earlier than this, because I don't want to let you go those times... But I've had enough. Now I'm telling you all. Don't say a word, I don't want any rejection. Or anything else from you.

But sorry, I can't be sorry for who I am. Maybe someday I'll find someone who'll appreciate me somehow. Sorry, if that can't be YOU anymore. Blame it on me, but I can't love you anymore.

I once wished to be her, to be someone you like, to be someone with you, to be someone you love more than anything else, more than anyone else. But I have to wake up now and be where I should be. I need to get a life, stop fantasizing someone like you. What's impossible stays impossible when even if God doesn't want us to be. If it's not meant to be, that's the end of story. So we're not. So I have to put an end in love. Stop being crazy, stop being hurt. Make life easier. Stop loving you. Be happy. I have too. So whatever that's going on in your life, I should stop caring. Maybe you can grow up a little, and know what I've felt and realize how someone like you lose someone like me. Right, that's a joke. because that's impossible. Again, what's impossible stays impossible when even God doesn't want it. So here it goes. My final goodbye.

Goodbye, my love.

Goodbye, my memories.

Goodbye, my sweet-nothings.

Goodbye, my love.

Goodbye, my memories.

Goodbye, for the rest of our lives.

Goodbye, and I love you. Goodbye.

BE HAPPY. That's all you need now. That's what the both of us need now. That's the least we can do now. Be happy.