Wednesday, September 22, 2010
This was the photo I chose for the Photography for our SYC (Sectoral Youth Conference) as I was to represent our cluster. But BOOOOOOO, it was like... 'OMG, I didn't know it will be on-the-spot!' but anyway, at least I just want to make an effort and just post this online :) SO anyway, it's good that I've brought home the bacon that time and stepped forward to Provincial Youth Conference. :)
Victory and Highness
CLUSTER C
Victory. One word that is synonymous to winning. Highness, a word that is defined by far above the ground. Therefore, victory and highness is winning far above the ground. It is winning by soaring high.
The photo taken shows these two words. Winning is not only about how you fought with all your might, winning is how you stand up from breaking down. Winning is not just about getting that much coveted trophy. Winning includes accepting defeat. Sure as it may seem, getting a ‘W’ is a wish of every human who perspired fighting, but God doesn’t judge us on how many W’s we get in our lives. A hundred W’s is different from a single victory. Victory is the deeper meaning of winning; it’s a success you’ve triumphed for a long, long time. Victory is accepting defeat. Because defeat is nothing when you know you gave your best, when you try, when you sink in your mind that whatever will happen, it’s God’s will. Remember what Michael Jordan had said? He said, ‘I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying’.
Soar high no matter how hard the obstacles are. Be still and strive harder to be someone who has a life to live in this world we call earth.
What you are, who you are—you are God’s possession.
Whatever we prevail is whatever God bestows us. The trophy represents victory. The person lifting the trophy symbolizes highness. And not just that, the light is God. So in whatever we win, in whatever situations we undergo, in whatever trials we are going through, there is always that victory—the victory we claim in God’s Holy Name. Who are we to fight when there is no faith in our hearts? Who are we to succeed when we only think of ourselves? We are nothing unless we believe that only God can give us the true victory our hearts are longing for.
Let life be a game. Rock it, play it with your heart, and let God watch you. In the end, look up, you’ll see light and claim the victory in His hands.
Well then, look at the picture. And if you think that what I said is right, then victory and highness is in your heart.
♥
♥ life sent to Kyu
5:02 PM
Friday, September 3, 2010
How should I start?
How I should I start living like this never happened? How should I move on when in my heart, I know there is no going back? How should I be okay right now when I already know it's never gonna be easy? How do I fix this broken heart when it's already broken from the start?
How can these things happen?
How can I be hurt this way? Why does it have to be this way? You could've just take everything away from me, you could've just take my heart with yours. Pero bakit kailangang sakit na lang yung matanggap ko? Bakit? :(
I could've done better.
Alam ko ang dami kong kayang gawin para sa'yo. Pero hindi ko na lahat nagawa kasi nauuna yung sakit. :( Minahal kita nang mahal mo siya. Ano pa kaya kong gawin? Ang sakit lang. :(
Kung sa una pa lang, alam ko nang hindi mo ako naaappreciate... sana hindi na lang kita minahal. Kung sana lang hindi ka nagpakita ng mga motibo, sana wala 'to lahat. Sana hindi ka ganyan :(
Know what? What is it that made me love you? What is it that made me hold on for so long? Know why it's so hard? Because I had fought for eight painful months... Pare, eight months. Tinibayan ko, I tried to be strong. Sa hinaba-haba nang pinaghintay ko, nang pinaglaban ko, bibigay din pala ako. Diba ang sakit? :( Ang sakit na... sa huli, wala lang rin pala ang lahat. Pare, you had my heart, why can't you just freaking keep it and feel it? What's worse? I'm taking back my heart from you and you just broke it.
Sana ibinalik mo na lang ng buo, paano ko pa 'yan ibibigay sa ibang tao kung sinira mo na? :( Hindi ko naman sinabing mahalin mo rin ako, sana iningatan mo man lang. Sana naisip mo man lang hindi sa'yo yung puso ko kahit gusto ko nang kanyahin mo. How can I love again with a broken heart?
Kung alam mo ang lahat nang pinagdaanan ko... hindi mo masasabing, "okay lang yan shey" kasi hindi okay e. OMG, I've never been this stupid. Know what? You're the first person I loved so much but ended breaking my heart. I was a fool for you, I never wanted to be a fool anymore. I'm never ever gonna love again... this time. Because I don't want to be hurt anymore. What you feel for her, I felt for you. And tell me how you feel for her, I felt ten times more for you. How can you be so heartless?
I have to post this, my personal message to my soul sisters in Facebook. Because it won't matter now, because I'm already setting him free.
"Una, hindi sa ayaw ko na mangyari sa'kin yung mga naranasan mo, that's inevitable being in the same situation. I accept the truth, kasi lang. I don't have the heart to tell him straight, or to confront him. Shucks, damn I'm talking in English.
Sunod, sobrang takot ako kasi iniisip ko magiging reactions niya. Kung ano bang iisipin niya sa'kin, kung ano nang magiging tingin niya sa'kin, kung mag-iiba na ba talaga, kasi for sure, everything about 'us' will change. Sobrang tanga ko lang nu? parang mas iniisip ko pa rin siya, more than how I should be thinking for my own sake.
Isa pa kasi... sobrang sakit na in my part, parang... bakit kailangan ko pang sabihin sa kanya at makita ang magiging reaksyon niya, marinig ang lahat ng sasabihin niya kung rejections din naman lahat kasi, dalawang bagay lang yun tingin niya sa'kin. Friends kami, second--we're nothing more than that. Not that I expect more than that, ayoko lang talaga masaktan even more.
Takot ako kasi na umiwas siya, tanga ako at takot akong tulungan niya akong mag-move on. Alam mo yung kahit sobrang nipis na ng hibla na nag-uugnay sa inyo, hawak mo pa rin. Ang hirap bumitaw kahit walang pinanghawakan. Sobrang hirap :(
Takot ako na ganun at umiwas siya, at tulungan ako na makalimutan siya dahil patunay lang yon na he lets me because he doesn't feel anything. Ang sakit para sa'kin na hayaan niya ako, kaya parang on my side, AKO NA LANG MAG-ISA... KAKAYANIN KO NA LANG, I DON'T NEED HIS HELP BECAUSE I WAS ALONE. So I have to leave him alone, karapatan ko nang maging mag-isa. Shett. Ang sakit mang sabihin, pero tama nang ako na lang, kesa habang nagmomove on ako, nsasaktan ako dahil umiiwas siya.
Sobrang sakit kasi sabi niyo nga, wala naman akong napakitang motibo para maramdaman niyang mahal ko siya, na gusto ko siya... :| siguro nga wala, pero para sa'kin wala. Nauuna kasi ako mag-martir bago subukang iparamdam sa kanya.
Tuwing magtetext siya, kahiya-hiya man pero nag-uunli talaga ako. yung 113 messages niya nong nagkakatext kami, sinave ko yun lahat.. kahit simpleng, 'okay' lang. Kasi it meant so much for me... :| tapos dahil sobrang saya ko pag nagkakatext kami, ayoko matapos yun... kahit sobrang out of topic na kami, i-oopen ko yung topic kay Iarie at sa kanya, kasi yun lng yata yung way na tumagal pa yung text-an namin. lahat na ng advice na mabibigay ko sa kanya kahit against my will, sinasabi ko na. kasi alam kong dun siya sasaya, and it's not about me anymore. It's about how I can show him that I care for him even for the reason that it hurts so much.
Sobrang nahihirapan na rin ako sa room, I can't fight this feeling anymore nga daw. haha, np lang naman.
Alam mo naman 'yon diba? Yung... kelangan mo maging masaya para sa kanya kasi alam mong dun siya masaya. Oo, masakit, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hinahayaan mo lang lahat... nagagawa ko pang mag-yiheeeeeee for both of them sa school, nagagawa ko pang suportahan siya kay Iarie.
Di man halata pero tinatry ko kasing lumugar. Una, alam kong wala akong lugar dun sa pesteng puso niya, kaya hindi ko na maipakita na... please, sana mahalin mo rin ako. Hindi ko na maipakita yung kaya kong gawin para sa kanya.
Isa pa kasii... natatakot akong malaman yung sa room e, sobra.
AYokong malaman ng iba pa bukod sa mga nakakaalam na, kasi isa akong third wheel sa kanila ni Iarie. Ayoko sumira ng trip, ayoko maging hindrance sa kanila. :( ayokong magmukhang third party, at nakikiduotdot sa love team nila. Ayokong malaman yun sa room kahit sobrang nasasaaktan ako pag niloloko sila ni iarie kasi hindi ako si iarie. :( ALAM KONG WALANG-WALA AKO KAY IARIE, and if I have to prove myself to him, i am nothing like iarie. :(sobrang sakit lang na... bakit ganon. :(
ayon, hindi ko lang yan lahat masabi kanina sa personal kasi nahihya akong i-share sa inyo. :(
ang hirap na hindi ko na maipapakita na for once, naging mahalaga siya sakin, ng sobra lang naman :(
kaya takot akong i-confront and i-confess yung feelings ko, kasi one thing's for sure. Baka hindi na rin naman ako makapagsalita sa harap niya. :(
AYoko magmukhang tanga for once. :("
Pero ngayong nasabi ko na sa'yo... siguro oras na para matapos na yung lahat. :( Sana matapos at mawala na rin yung sakit. Pare, iiwas ako sa'yo. Sana kayanin ko. :(
"Why I live in despair? Coz wide awake or dreaming, I know he's never there. And all the time I act so brave I'm shaking inside, why does it HURT ME so?"
MAYBE MY LOVE WILL COME BACK SOMEDAY, ONLY HEAVEN KNOWS. MAYBE OUR HEARTS WILL FIND THEIR WAY, BUT ONLY HEAVEN KNOWS. AND ALL I CAN DO IS HOPE AND PRAY... HEAVEN KNOWS.
Translated: Siguro pag-ibig magbabalik pa, Diyos lang ang may alam. Siguro ang puso'y magtatagpo rin, Diyos lang ang may alam. Aasa na lang ako at magdadasal... Pagka't alam ng Diyos.
Yeah, maybe ito talaga yung plan ni God. AND no matter how it hurts and breaks my heart, I have to take it because He's giving it to me. And whatever He wants from me, He can take it because I belong to him, even the most important person to me, He has His right to take them all away from e. :')
And I have to emphasize my friend's effort for this. I just realized last night how much they value and how they give importance to how I feel. Thank you for understanding me in my pains. Thank you, lots of love. ♥ I love you all so much, SHE REPUBLIC. And welcome to the group, Nielle! I love you Maris, Dianne, Glyzel, Sean, Kamille, Iarie, Kristel, Brends, Nicole, Jolyn and Nielle! I couldn't have done that without you guys. :') And okay na magbreak down ako, alam kong nandyan lang naman kayo. :> I trust your words and always will. :> OMG, did I forget to mention that I love you? Gosh. I FREAKIN LOVE YOU GUYS! At dahil dito, tighter na tayo :> Through ups and downs, we're always gonna be together. SHE Republic Forever. :>
I have to cheer up because... so what if I ain't got him? Damn I got this hot friends, I don't care if I have to live without you. Because now? Things will change. I will change things. :')
Sure it hurts today, but tomorrow, there will be someone someday who'll cross the same path as mine and will love and appreciate me for who I am... Definitely it can't be you anymore.
♥
♥ life sent to Kyu
9:32 PM
