So lately, I've been addicted to KPOP (but right now, I'm listening to an English song, just trying to get things back, be who I was before).
I only blog because of these emotions stuck inside of me, and blogging is my best friend when it comes to better understandings. You know what feeling... when you just want someone to listen to you instead of receiving too much accusations that makes you not want for more advices.
This blog has been with me for over a year based on my estimation. I'm not the kind of person who gives much of that importance to 'dates' or any first times. Significant events from the past? Sorry, I just don't believe in such things. Because each passing day, for me, is a significant day because no one is so powerful in this world could ever bring things back to the way they used to be before. As what I've said, I DON'T BELIEVE IN DATES AND MARK MY CALENDAR TO CELEBRATE. I am just unique in that way, because I believe in what's today, not what's in the past. I don't dwell in the past, I deal with what's in front of me. I don't look back because I learned to easily let go. That's what life taught me... Be on my own, lead my own way, take my own way. Which makes me so ruthless and selfish in others eyes. But who am I? Again... I believe in what's today, and I move on from what has ended. What's important for me is what's in my hands, not what WAS in my hands. Eventually, things will slip off our hands through time, and there'd come a day that we'll all need to let them go. So I'm not a believer of FOREVER. It's just an exaggeration or better yet, an irony. I don't believe in FOREVER because it doesn't exist, but I believe in NEVER because somehow, it exists.
So anyway, I was talking about KPOP.
I almost had a fight with my brother just because I am so addicted to this and that for once in my life, I had stepped into the kpop world.
Remember I blogged this:
"Plus, please. Pati ba naman KPOP idadamay pa? Yon na nga lang ang nagpapasaya sa'kin sa ngayon e. Ini-enjoy ko na lang. Parang at the end of the day, yung mga kanta nila yung nagpapalimot sa'kin sa mga nangyari. Honestly, yea. Maybe I'm too addicted to KPOP but it doesn't give me anything bad. It gives me good vibes... ALWAYS and forever, okay? Patahimikin niyo na lang ako.
I may have become really an avid kpop fan, but all the other kpop fans would feel the same if someone would say "KPOP-whatever-crap-world". To us, it's too unpleasant use of words. Since you stop knowing me as your little sister, then I better return the favor and stop being your sister. And I'm kind of suing you for saying such bad words against KPOP. KPOP isn't just KPOP as you hear or spell it. Kpop is something that motivates me in the morning. Kpop gave me insights on how beautiful life can be. Knowing every story behind every talent, every single thing about kpop is just inspiring. They did not just POOF! and became KPOP groups! They struggled a lot too before they achieve what they are now. Everyone in kpop world worked hard. And I bet you don't know anything about it. So just stop judging kpop in a way that you make me hate you. Kpop plays a huge part in my life now. So back off."
Well yeah. I live in a world they call KPOP, I live in a world which is highly impossible for me to get into the reality. I'm hopeless. I'm doomed.
SO Obsession becomes a famous word once again in my own little cozy world full of kpop addictions. Where did it start?
Firstly, I did not pay attention to this kitty little kpop thingy. I used to ignore them whenever I encounter a glimpse of them such as from friends, or in the cyber world like Youtube. It's not that I don't notice them, I IGNORE them.
But then this... awesome korean love comedy/drama and that's when I discovered Yonghwa. So I really liked him a lot, and then I fell in love with his band/group CN BLUE. It all started with them, so blame them for my obsession over kpop (hehehehe). I started listening to their songs, that usual thing a person would do when she loves a band. But then again... I was so Jonghyun biased that time. Hahahaha.
And so I tried listening to othe kpop groups in which I started with SHINee. I already knew about them because my friend told me about their Ringdingdong that when I checked the mv, I closed it in a hurry. So that's when I regret for doing so because in a snap... SNAP! I fell in love with them too. ♥ This time, I'm Taemin biased but I really liked Onew first. And that's when I figured it all out... I'm such a killer of LEE's. LOL.
Lee Jonghyun. Lee Jinki (onew), Lee Taemin.
Btw, I also liked Kang Minhyuk. ♥
And that's when this... little kpop world started. I created this cozy full of kpop addictions in my head that drove me crazy each and every day of my life. That made me use the computer for hours watching videos and listening to their songs.
But I tried listening to girl groups in which I found a little interest. SNSD is my favorite, but I also support 2ne1 because of Sandara Park.
But Super Junior captured my heart best.
You know... I really did not pay attention to them when my friend told me about them. I am such a loser. MAJOR.
So... you know... I get that feeling when I finally memorized their names and some of their backgrounds. ♥ I have to thank my sister for giving me the complete Sorry Sorry album. But left me manually download for the Bonamana album.
My bias is Kyuhyun. Of course, he's the BEST because of that big voice. :) Agree?
But of course... I actually liked Donghae. And I almost died only to find out he's a Lee. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
But of course, some things has to end... Especially when you can't understand how you feel anymore. Honestly, KPOP took my time. I'm not saying I wasted my time on them, but I actually lose my attention to precious time I could have spent with other more important things. Well, I was blinded that all I think about was them. Which I consider myself being selfish.
KPOP surely played a great part in my life, but I have to think things through. Look. NOW, I ended up being disappointed with my own distractions. It was about Eunhae. Ow. :'( I envy Eunhyuk, swear. I just kept on smiling when inside of me, I already committed suicide a million times. HAHAHAH! LOLJK, that's too much.
No, I was just... still hoping that's just for fan service and nothing more or they are just best buddies not more than that. They're just unsuspectingly sweet like real couples, lol. And that's what I really didn't like. No, I'm not anti-Eunhae because I make fun out of it too. It's just that... You get me? It doesn't feel comfortable liking Donghae who is kind of... Please, get me wrong!
What hurts me is that I even made this fan fiction of Donghae where every girl can imagine she's the protagonist. :') I swear... I can't say what I've written is the best, but it's not that bad anyway. When I just saw videos today about Eunhae. I really died. :|||
I wanted to erase that fanfic I made. But out of love for Super Junior... I remembered it's not just about my bias, it's about the group that I support. So I made up my mind to just... receive and accept request from those fangirls who want to have a little short fanfiction story to be written about their biases. :')
Though swear, I was kind of turned off with Donghae.
I even searched it Eunhae was real and if Donghae's a g**. Lol, I just turned into a psycho. But now, I'm back to my senses and trying to see the brighter side.
There are still lots of Kpop groups I can fall head over heels into and that Donghae's not the only man who can entangle my heart with. Yesung, Kyuhyun... There are just too many members of Super Junior that can still make me smile at the end of the day.
So what I was saying is that being a fan is also a risk. ♥ and that I gotta make up my mind and decide on more important things. That I have to see the beauty of the whole group than see my own biases. It's always gonna be about the group, it SHOULD be.
That sometimes, I have to step out of my own shell and this world I created in my mind. Sure, I can still fantasize over their hot dead bodies or dance moves, but there's still gonna be someone more real in this world we call OURS.
That someone will come into my life whom I can say he's better than Kyuhyun, Jonghyun, Taemin or even more perfect than Donghae. I know this time of my life, I can't say there's someone out their who can dance and sing like them for their fans. But I believe that there'd be someone, somewhere, someday who will sing and dance only for me. ♥
I know there's someone who can say he loves me today... but nothing's certain in the future. I only believe in what's today as I've mentioned earlier. But when there's this weird attitude and crave of girls that wants to feel loved each minute of her life. And that's what I cannot feel anymore. No, I'm not asking for more... I'm just finding for more. Yeah, I'm turning childish again. Crap.
But love find no reason at all, much has been said. ♥
For me, right now... there's only you and that I have to stop dreaming about these kpop people and fantasize about them. I may have created this world in my head, but there's you who's in the real world ahead.
That's why I also try to listen to English songs, and maybe find time and interest to listen to OPM songs and be a proud Pin☺y! :)
I'm not putting an end to being kpop-ish little baby. I'm just saying that I have to be open to other songs, to other types of music, to those who needs more attention than kpop who receives more of praises. =)
♥
♥ life sent to Kyu
3:30 PM
Monday, November 29, 2010