I ♥

2011's first Monday was way off the mark... one of the worst ways it could have been. Ever again.

I never thought I already saw this coming... since last night.

When I logged in my yahoo messenger... I already received messages to do something this or that or lend a hand for an article. No, it wasn't really that I hate it. I wasn't just in the right mood. But I'm honestly happy to be able to help. But that was like... a forecast or like it was a warning... that's something related to the school newspaper.

I'm a bit down... loljk. I'm a hundred times down than I wrote it down. I'm undergoing a certain self-inflicted depression. I'm a million times shouting I'm Not Okay and about ten times telling my friend's 'nalulungkot ako (i'm sad)'. I said that forcing a smile, so they didn't believe me. I knew it that they wouldn't. But those who know me well... for real... knows when to approach me and feel that there's something wrong. Because wtf there is really something wrong.

Maybe with me, not with anything else around me.

I meant no harm nor hurt... But I was asking a long, long time ago but I just ignored DOUBTS... "WHEN YOU'VE BEEN HURT ONCE, IS IT WORTH IT TO LOVE THE SAME PERSON AGAIN?" Is it even possible like... omfghjkl.

But those were just crazy thoughts. Tss.

For some reasons, I really did not want even just a percent, to have school back.

/wrist.

....this is not yet done.

BUT I LOST MY MOOD IN BLOGGING. I'M SO OFF MY MIND TODAY. BLOWN AWAY. I SHOULD DIE. T.T

*currently working for our school newspaper endlessly editing some articles... and downloading Super Junior Full House... thanks to my Sunbae!!!

I'M CURSED TO BE THE KING OF COMPUTER.

I love KPOP over anything else.

Sometimes, that's how I think and feel. And most of the time, I'm scared it's true. I know it's wrong to adhere love to something that's kinda fictional... Something next to impossibility more than your family, and friends.

LOLJK.

I love family and friends more than kpop... but there's some people whom I can consider that kpop is above them.

It makes me feel stupid more than you could ever judge me...

Imagine, these people are people whom I can touch, I can see most of the days of my life, I can hear them speak to me... People who are realistically around me, realistically... true-r than kpop artists.

Because these people are people who I can see and talk to in person, unlike these kpop celebrities to whom seeing them and talking to them in person is impossible.

You see... I live in a world with billions of people, and wonderfully amazed by kpop world. I am entangled.

Obsession, addiction. KPOP is just something that feeds me up. It satisfied me, only kpop can.

I'm called Koreana here at home and that my siblings would exclaime, "You're back from Korea!" whenever I can spend time with them like when eating meals. Because I think they can bear with me being an avid kpop fan, they can understand my likes and dislikes. Because they are my family.

I love how well kpop and my family are compatible.

I sleep with my earphones on listening to a certain playlist... My playlist are about 20+, each is a kpop group's playlist. There's one with my most favorited songs. Plus Jonghyun's (of CN Blue) own playlist--songs with only him singing. He's just my first bias knowing that CN Blue is my first ever bias.

I have 700 (more or less) songs on my handphone (I stopped using my iPod since my laptop isn't working anymore and I can't add songs anymore but I think iPod will always be more user friendly... I also think that I should buy iTouch or the newest iPod nano). More than half of these songs are kpop, I barely add English songs. Or moreover, I stopped adding American/OPM songs unless it's something I really like.

I wake up in the middle of my sleep (I can't say middle of the night since most of the time, I sleep past midnight kekekeke) and I'm still listening to kpop songs. Literally, I sleep listening to kpop. It's unending until I wake up in the morning... or at lunch time. Kekeke.

I stopped using REPEAT because I always put it on shuffle so I can listen to different kpop songs everyday. But sometimes, I use playback when I feel like doing it.

My MOST PLAYED playlist has 50 songs... My top 10 is all kpop, and only 10 aren't kpop songs.

This is one of my Korea-destinations at home.

One is when I wake up, go to the bathroom and wash up.

Because I bring my handphone with me not for texting but for listening to a loudspeaker-ed kpop songs. Still... kpop. Kpop is just so useful to the point that I use it as a timer for taking a bath. Like... I just need ten songs to be able to finish taking a bath, it may sound crazy but it helps me to lessen time in taking a bath for real.

E.g. rinsing my hair after putting conditioner--2 and a half songs.

That way, I can manage a thirty-minute mark so it won't be too long for me to take a bath.

That's my 2nd Korean destination at home.

Whenever I surf the net, whether using the laptop (my brother's or my sister's) or the computer at home... I just 'kpop'. Watching videos, watching live performances (e.g. Gayo Daejun *as recently* [SBS, MBC, KBS], Inkigayo, Music Core, Music Bank perfs), watching reality shows with english subs (of course, though I watched some without, kekeke), watching funny mistakes onstage, watching blooper moments (like behind the scenes), downloading thousands of pictures (some from a certain performance, I barely get official pictures like from photoshoots, or I can barely), downloading songs (I even download some live performances then gonna convert it to mp3 because like Super Junior's performances in Gayo Daejun... they have different intros), and gonna blog about them, like in Tumblr. I also tweet kpop endlessly.

I read articles (mostly on allkpop.com, it really helps in being updated) about certain group or current events going on or what's gonna happen or... seeing selcas.

Online, I learn *slowly* kpop terms... like otp, selcas, ship, etc. I try learning romanization (romanji) or the way Koreans speak... though it's really hard and Kansahamnida is my favorite Korean words kekeke.

In Tumblr, I submitted two to kpopsecrets... and waited for about a week for it to be queued and to be posted. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to heart it and to reblog it. :((( Speaking of Tumblr, mines overloaded with kpop these days... Sorry for that. But I always believe that true followers remain no matter what crap you post. Same goes to Twitter no matter how stupidly I posts anything related to kpop, true followers would remain.

My ONLINE life is just... all about kpop.

My Tumblr dash has a Yesung background, my Tumblr background is also Yesung, my Facebook is also a kpop, lol. The background is Jjong, I got no other choice but still, it's kpop.

I research lyrics--romanization (since I started learning reading romanji) and english translations... If given the chance, I would print them so I can sing along whenever I listen. But not these days... our cartridge is out of ink, lol. I already printed at least 20 pages, with that 8 font size, single spacing--removed space before/after paragraphs, .2 margin, arial, four columns (if possible, make it five). Smoothly formatted.

ONLINE.

I even made a fanfic. No, it's not that typical fanfiction of otps (like EunHae, KyuMin, etc.). It's those typical stories (like in Movies or dramas), a girl-boy pairing. But only use one kpop celebrity, the other one, you decide it yourself and just let it be yourself and get your cheeks blushed.

Kpop let me stay online 15hours (not even sure cause I think it's 18 hours, kekeke) the longest.

That's my 3rd Korean Destination at home.

Next is when I watch TV.

I usually switch channels to star world and channel v or even animax trying to catch anything related to kpop. :) If there's none, then I watch kdramas. Anything Korean would do and I'll try to discover some good OSTs to be downloaded or even meet some kpop celebrities (like UEE, Hong Ki, Yonghwa, Geun Suk in You're Beautiful).

That's my 4th Korean Destination at home.

Fifth is just an optional one since it's not basically at home.

Whenever I'm on ride travelling with the family... I put my earphones on, hit play on my allkpop lists and close my eyes imagining things that I would love to happen... some things that are allkpop too, lol. I even made a story for each of the Super Junior members. I even imagine SHE Republic *my set of friend's name as we are 13 girls* being a kpop group. There are just so many things popping inside my mind whenever I listen to a kpop song. Yes, you may say I'm crazy with wildest imaginations.

Kpop also made me stop texting... I stopped registering to Globe's unlimited texting promo since I only text very important persons with very important messages. lol but true. I only text when needed... the most. kekeke

But I registered to Globe's sulitxt promo *where you get 100 texts with only 15 peso load charge* when I had KPOP conversation with two of my friends. One is a 4-yr kpop addict, one is just a beginner. Which both made me enjoy a lot.

My handphone became KPOP handphone with 1000+ kpop photos of various kpop groups or members and being Yesung my wallpaper since I fvcking cannot put any theme on my phone. I don't use wallpaper before, I only use the theme's wallpaper but the again... I changed my phone and so be it. A Yesung wallpaper I don't plan to change... not unless with another Yesung wallpaper. LOOOL.

Speaking of Yesung...

I recently (just about two hours ago) took a nap and dreamed about HIM! No, I always dream for him... but this time, I'm really asleep. OMFG. It was just too cute :")

Do mind me telling you what it was all about?

*my online life is about to die in a few minutes, my brother's gonna live minutes from now since he's back working tomorrow after holidays*

Let me tell you briefly.

My friends and I are like... I don't fvcking know how you call it but we're that girls in black with guns and whatever skills you call it like CHARLIE'S ANGELS! We lay helpless... exhausted after a mission that night inside one bedroom only.

And then POOF! Super Junior was with us, LOL. *it's just a dream while I was asleep so nobody criticize me, please*

On the next night, I was alone sleeping in the room. There were two beds to be exact. And then on the other bed was... YESUNG. wtf I just died realizing it was him!

He was sweating like hell while he was asleep, so I try to wipe it... and then poof, I woke up.

WTF I REALIZE ALL THIS WHEN I WAS ALREADY AWAKE AND I WANTED TO SLEEP AGAIN!

lol.

That was first for Yesung. I did not officialy switched from being a Kyuhyun bias *Gamer as they call Kyuhyun stans if I'm not mistaken* to being a Yesung bias *how do you call Yesung stans???*. But I really like Yesung these days. :")

I may have fallen in love with kpop (and Yesung to be specific, lol) but all will just lead to a broken heart since as I've said... kpop is next to impossible. See, I die each day passing by without SS3 ticket. I think I'll just die for real on the 26th of Feruary this year since I think it will be impossible for me to be able to buy a ticket these days.

That's what I can share about kpop for now in my life...

IT'S A GOOD START OF 2011. MAYBE I'LL BE ADDICTED TO KPOP TILL THIS YEAR ENDS. WELCOME 2011! Let it be a kpop-full year!

and that I won't be able to do my kpop routines anymore. :((( But I do want kpop to inspire me and keep me going, okay?

I'm really scared as hell.

Because this vacation, I was too used to being in my own little kpop world that I usually listen to anything kpop or even watch anything kpop. But when school's back... I'm gonna spend at least 10 hours without anything kpop.

I'm scared.

Just thinking of it... I feel down. So much more when tomorrow comes... and this thing will happen. I'm gonna heat up my chair at school waiting for dismissal. KPOP, what have you done to me... :(

But I don't blame kpop since it makes me happy as I am... but just the thought of having school back. That's a total fvck :(((

Not that I don't want school.

School? My friends are there. My future starts there.

I'm just not ready to be back sitting on my chair listening to the teacher as if I'm really interested in everything one teaches. Or maybe I'm scared I'll faint without kpop in an hour. Loljk, that's exaggerating. kekeke But that's how I feel.

No sight of Yesung for at least 10 hours not at home without my handphone.

Why is everything about kpop seems to be too far for me to reach? :( Kills me... But I'd always be a fan. I'll never say goodbye as other fans do. *So I'll always say Hi Kpop kekeke~!!* I hope I can survive.

AFK. Away from keyboard? lol no.

All For Kpop. Kekeke!