I ♥

2nd.

Dear Kyu,

How are you today? My day was uh... *insert straight face here*.

So let's put it this way... I'm okay, not really okay-okay, but I know I'm somehow fine (or maybe that's how I wanna be :|). Well maybe because his presence weren't there. I know it's too selfish to wish not to see him as long as the pain is still there. But I do wish for it, not that I wish for him to stop existing, but whatever it is that reminds me of him makes me feel stupid. I'm weird that way, but hey... How do you expect me to move on? Run like a rat? Damn Kyu. T_T Sometimes and always... I wish it could be easier than I can say it. Like eating a cake. Well it feels like eating a cake with my most hated flavor.

You know him, right? The one that I'm talking about.

I wanna stop talking about him, right after this, I swear all of hell I will stop. Because there's a life after death. Yeah, I think I told everyone yesterday that I died? Oh mianhae Kyu... I totally died yesterday and I forgot to tell you. But I was blessed with another day, and yeah. Maybe God wanted this to happen, it's His plan. :')

No, yesterday I wanted to stop existing. But of course, just a single reason to make me stay will make me stay. And I've got thousands of reasons to stay, to live my life. My family, my SHREP, my friends, classmates, studies, uhmm... KPop? And of course, you. ^^

Six months ago, my heart was being torn into pieces each day... Well he picked up the pieces he broke himself and now he can't just put back the pieces perfectly. I thought I can help him fix my heart, hah! But I ended up... letting him do it alone, and there I go, broken again. It doesn't make sense to really say these things, if I have to let go, I should stop talking.

Let's just make it simple because I don't want to reminisce everything we had... or everything I THOUGHT we really had.

MY HEART WAS BROKEN BY THE SAME PERSON TWICE, HOW CAN I BE STUPIDER???

Yeah, that says it all... But don't worry about me, it feels like being broken has been a part of my life, but that six months I thought we can be together and I can be happy... he wasn't half as much as happy at all. He was like... forcing himself to get the right feelings for me. That sucks, I know. TT_TT He acted as if he really cared, as if he really feels something... Bless him for he apologized about that.

I know it hurts, though things were left unclear, I guess I can understand.

Because I think I'd really regret whatever I should not regret if this thing between us would go on when indeed, I was the only one loving. Hah! I was carrying my own load, I thought he was helping me and now it turned out... I'm too stupid, the load I was carrying was really heavy though.

Alright... *sigh*

I really wish you'd be here to console me. T_T I'm not very happy, and as it turns out... I really can't explain how a second heartbreak feels from the same person. Have you experienced such? I wanna knoooow. Like how do I move on, how can I be okay aside from pretending? The only sad thing about smiles is when you fake it.

There are songs that I've been singing since yesterday...

First: Mistake - SNSD... Aish! During the first time he broke my heart, (or call it the 100th time, lol), I was already singing this song T_T And now, I can't believe I'm gonna sing this song again. Y_Y Whyyyyyy.

"For not making you love me more, it's my mistake. For making myself love you more, it's my mistake. For not making you love me the way I wanted you to, it's my mistake."

Second: Because of you - After School... I didn't get the meaning of the song at first, I just appreciated the dance of this one \m/ But now... Feels like somebody wrote the song in advance for me. TT_TT

"I tried to be your only girl and did you ever understand my heart?Now it became the compass of a broken heart. I cried a lot because of you, I laughed a lot because of you, I BELIEVED IN LOVE BECAUSE OF YOU, I've lost everything because of you."

Third: Without u - 2PM...I thought I can only like the rhythm of the song, and the six freakishly hot guys (though you're hotter you know that lol^^) dancing to it, now seems like it's the second song written for me.

"I'm gonna be stronger." Just the first line and it's... BANG!

"Fine, breaking up is better. This was going to happen between us anyway. You were going to do this anyway, this is better--better than falling deeper in love anyway. I think of it as fortunate that's why I'm okay. I gave you my all, I believed you so I gave my all. But you threw that away. I gave you my everything, so I'm gonna be okay... I'm gonna be okay, I'll be okay, gonna be okay baby without you."

Hey, what's your song for meeeee????

But please don't be mad at him. He didn't do anything wrong, he just broke my heart and didn't do that on purpose. I mean... I'm gonna let him go and set him free, and let's stop dealing with him, arraso? He's meant to be forgotten now, I'm meant to find someone else. That's why I've been looking for you. ^^"

Someday we'll both see the right persons for us, someone who's more than who we are, who'll accept us on who we are at our worsts, someone who's different.

It can't probably be the two of us anymore.

I'm not willing to stay, I'm willing to accept another chance. I'm willing to walk my way, peacefully and alone. (Well probably with SHREP yah know that, right?)

That's all. I'll tell you detailed story when you call me tonight. ^^ (this is how this thing works, as if Kyu and I existed in real life, fangirling, right?)

Thank you, Kyu for sending your reply to my letter last night. Well I really need to complete my lecture in Filipino. T_T And for being honest that indeed I am stupid and you like the way I am stupid. (Y U SO EVIL??? lol^^)

I skipped my math tutor again today just to write this letter to you! Aish.

Oh, about the fic... Let Yesung-oppa know I'm trying to find time to write it. The next chapters are... how do I explain this... Aish. Tell him NO SPOILERS allowed from the author! XD

And tell Heenim... HI. and how is he??? Is he okay now? I mean I wanted to fly to Shanghai when that incident happened!!! AISH!

Take care, oppa and congratulations for hitting the top charts in China and Taiwan! ^^ PERFECTION! And you ought to teach me the dance steps... the right way. ^^v

Annyong, oppa! I have a little surprise to my sister. ^^ and I'm gonna start tonight!

♥,

S.S.H.