I ♥

I'm back after the three days camp and a day of rest...

I saw it coming... I tried to hide it but it was right in front of me, it was exactly as how I predicted... that I'll end up this way, I'll end up feeling this way and getting confused and hurt and unexplainable... the feeling I get when he suddenly came along, tried to make me happy, and I ended up this way... I'm not fine... Honestly.

The way he looked after me, the way he acted as an overprotective brother, the way he puts his arm over my shoulder just to keep me safe, the way he always asks if I've eaten, if I feel okay, and whenever he reminds me to sleep and looks straight into my eyes to see if I'm not lying that I already slept... the way he'd grab my wrist and ask me randomly those same questions... the way he nags when I overwork myself... It's just plainly sweet and everything I was looking for when SOMEONE left me all broken, it's like he suddenly came along and made me feel this way.

When all of these seriously mean nothing to him.

I JUST REGRET A LOT.

HONESTLY, I felt butterflies in my stomach the moment he held my hand... First time in my life... I'm just not that happy it has to be him. Because seriously, how many times should I say it can't be him? For Pete's sake... I'll die before it can be him!!!

And last night, and the reason maybe why I can't sleep today, and look at the time, it's nearly 8 in the morning...

Because... well... I think... AAAAAH. It'll stay in my mind. I can't just type it down here. :( But I honestly kept thinking about it last night, it may sound embarrassing but it's my first time to pray about things like these last night. :(

Whenever I remember everything that happened during the camp... When I saw you struggling and everything, I cried silently because as much as I wanted to help you as the others are having a hard time helping you... I can't. I felt so weak that time. I felt weak... But I stood up because I know you can get through it... There's nothing I can do but help others that were struggling that night and just leave you out of my sight because it could've killed me that I can't do anything to help you. It's like one of the signs that it really can't be you as I can't be there for you.

But I appreciate you. For who you are. I thank you. For what you are. I look up to you... for being you. ♥

And as for that, I give this song to you. With U - After School....

(English Translation)

" Oh, a little bit closer

Try extending your hands, you can reach it

Oh, the secrets I'd tell you

Are as many as the stars in the sky...

At the sound of your footfalls,

I listen attentively

Every day, every single night

I'm waiting here for you...

Even if time passes and you forget everything

Even if you can't see the world no longer

These words filling me

I'll become your strength

With you, right here

We can start again.

Don't you see it

You're like a lost child, open that door

Such a small step

A little bit more, yes a little bit more

I put my hands together and I pray

Every day, every single night

Raise your head and look at my eyes